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  • Writer's pictureJack

Thrown Out

'Thrown Out' Acrylic on canvas board 30 by 40cm

There's not much of a story behind this painting, it's just a funny memory from a point in time with my dad.

I went to his as usual to knock off school and get drunk and a little stoned.

He must have been 'flush' because he took me to the 'boozer'.

There was a pool room and we played for a couple of hours.

He'd go into the next room where the bar was and get pints for himself and halves for me.

Eventually the landlord of the pub came around to collect glasses and saw me with a drink in my hand.

I was around fourteen years old at the time but looked more like a ten year old.

I looked really young until I was in my mid thirties, then it all went down hill,now I look like an old bastard.

Anyway, the landlord walks in, looks at me and goes...'Is he drinking?'

My dad looks at me, trying not to laugh and says 'You little bastard!'

I burst out laughing.

The landlord shouts 'OUT!'

We stagger out laughing our heads off.

I look back at times like this with mixed emotions.

On one hand there's a bit of negativity.

I feel like from a young age I was taught to be a loser.

Daytime drinking, not working, not going to school, getting wrecked and being aggressive.

Later on I had massive problems with drink and drugs, I never reached potentials that I had within me, I acted like a piece of shit.

I was mentally ill from as young as I can remember, probably much like my parents before me.

'They fuck you up.....'

Then I went on to self medicate in the only way I knew how.

I went through years of self abuse and depression.

I self harmed in many unsavory ways.

At some point when I was earning enough, I paid for therapy'.

It didn't suit me.

As a northern lad, all that 'poor me, poor me, pour me another drink' mentally didn't sit well with me.

What's the point of looking back and blaming your parents for crap when they themselves had been through awful stuff, which caused them to act that way because of their past?

What's the point of feeling sorry for oneself, instead of just taking responsibility and focusing on now and changing things for the better?

So now instead of looking back at this weird childhood and feeling bad, I look back and laugh at all the mad things that made me be the weirdo that I am today.

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