Reading Tarot & Recovery

Getting sober is tough, staying sober is harder still.

I was a troubled kid and as soon as I hit twelve, I started getting stoned and drinking, it made me feel less bad about existing. I was taking everything else I could get my hands on by the time I was fifteen. The problem is, as soon as you can't be high, the depression, anxiety and dread all come back in, tenfold.

Eventually my mental and physical health couldn't take it anymore and I had to stop or die.

I went from being a kid to waking up in my mid-thirties and was like, 'wait a minute, what just happened there?'

It was so hard at first, and I fell off the wagon quite a few times, but I haven't taken a drug or smoked a spliff since 2012 and haven't drunk alcohol in over three years, although I stopped being a total problem drinker around 10 years ago.

When you first stop, it's like your life is over, there's no fun left, I didn't want to be around people anymore because I couldn't really stomach them sober. Everything in English culture is geared towards being pissed, my lovely Christmas time, how was I supposed to enjoy that sober.

Complete grimness.

Then the Tarot came along, art came later.

Tarot was always this mysterious thing, I'd seen tents at the fairground and be intrigued to catch sight of the reader and have hearts in my eyes, I'm an outsider so I guess other outsiders appeal to me more than the normal humans.

You'd see the ridiculous scare factor readings in films which always made them more likeable to me regardless.

It wasn't something, I believed in, fortune telling as it’s perceived in a general sense. It wasn’t something I didn't believe in either, I'm a bit paradoxical, as in, I don't believe in anything but I also believe anything is possible, we are on a planet spinning around in space, scuttling around in weird bodies and don't know why the heck we are here, so I'm pretty much open to whatever mysteries could be possible.

(for how I see the tarot now click here)

I decided, I didn't care if I believed in it, I'd always wanted to read the cards and now I was going to do it. I soon realised that whatever you believe, the cards can bring an aspect of self-reflection into your life which is very useful, especially in troubled times.

I can wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone, especially anyone who has just come out of addiction. That whole dreaded, mundane sober life is made much more bearable by Tarot.

Being sober gave me a whole new level of energy when it came to learning. I'd never been good at school because I couldn't sit still or concentrate, I never realised I would like learning so much on my own terms.

The first night I got my cards, I can't remember whether it was a book or online, but there was some resource which I looked at which had four keywords for each card. I memorised those four keywords for all 78 cards in one night. I was hooked.

I became a part of the then active tarot forum Aeclectic Tarot, which was amazing. The wealth of knowledge and the lovely people on their made my life worthwhile, it brought me joy every day. You could also do all the practise readings for people you could ever want to. When I first fell off the wagon I stopped posting on the forum and was too embarrassed to go back. When I recently returned, I was gutted to realise it had closed. I'm not sure where the Tarot community online is these days, I wonder if there is one.

(you can still read all the archived forum posts, just google Aeclectic Tarot)

You need a focus when you become sober and Tarot is perfect because there’s always stuff to learn and it's fun, never a chore, it brings magic and mystery into your life without the need for substances other than paper cards and books. They say ‘one day at a time’ when getting sober, that’s what I’ve heard anyway, I did it alone, but it seems like good advice, and when you are going through those days, waking up with a purpose each morning, is so valuable, the Tarot gives you that.

The cards still bring me joy. They make my life rich. They always teach me stuff about myself. They guide me. They suit my hermit lifestyle. I live with my partner and our amazing little rescue dog but apart from that I don't spend time with anyone. I could spend every night with the cards and everyday painting for the rest of my life and I'd be happy.

Just be careful though, those cards are pretty addictive, there’s always a shiny new deck calling out to you, it can become obsessive, we all know what that’s like. I do like collecting decks, but it’s the reading and learning is what makes it worthwhile.

Reading cards, also brings me in tune with mindfulness and meditation as that’s part of how I read, so it’s great for general mental health too.

I’m at the stage now where I no long crave a life of drugs and alcohol, the thought of it kind of repulses me, I don’t preach to others though, I just keep myself out of situations where I’d be around people partying i.e. I don’t go out much in the evenings.

Gave me a table and a chair in a cosy room, a deck of Tarot cards and some books and notebooks any day and I’ll be content, peaceful and happy.

Thanks for reading, please subscribe and let me know what you think in the comments.

As well as painting my own Tarot Deck, I’m sketching out a quick deck on cards to use for illustration purposes, those are the cards used in this post.

(To see find out more about my tarot deck click here)