This painting is unfinished and I think I'm going to leave it that way. I reckon it's a fitting end to the 'Strange & Sometimes Troubled Memories' series.
It's called Me Painting Me.
This has no memory attached and is just a conclusion painting to show how far I’ve come from being that waster, how I've managed to find some semblance of peace. Life is far from perfect now but at least I'm not quite as much of a loser as I once was. When I look back at all these times it’s like a different life, a past life, it doesn’t feel real. I was always so close to the edge, I can’t believe I used to survive being so wasted all the time, it makes me feel strange in my stomach to think about it.
I didn’t do this series initially to make any kind of statement or to try and be controversial, I was just painting my life so far on Earth. I’m a very selfish artist, all I want to paint is what it has been like in this body at this time in history on this planet from this point of view.
I have found However that some people who have seen this series of paintings have had a kind of deep connection with it. I suppose when you paint honestly from the heart, universal human experiences are conveyed and other people feel that and see it reflected in their own existence, even if their life was very different.
So even being as self-obsessed as I am, it does bring me a feeling of satisfaction to know that other people have got something out of my work too and it has started some interesting conversations about mental health and so on.
Other people have connected with me through my work where maybe they wouldn’t have before.
I’ve learnt some things about myself as an artist too. I feel less bothered each day about what others think of my work and feel freer about what I choose to paint.
When I started painting so late in life, I tried not to force style. There’s the temptation when starting out to want to ‘have’ your style be so distinctive like all the great painters in history have had, to be instantly recognisable and stand out. I felt if I tried to do that, it would be forced.
I never knew and still don’t know what a painting will look like when I start it, I try to approach each one fresh and as a result I think my own style is developing quite organically which I like.
I’m very happy to be at the beginning of my art career, I never know where it will go next and that is exciting. I have decided one thing though, for the moment, I’m not done with these memory paintings. A new series will begin, it may be quite different, maybe some less troubled memories might appear, I might just call it ‘My Life On a Planet Spinning Round in Space’ or something like that.
I love the process of doing these paintings. I think of a particular memory that stands out. Then I have to imagine it from different points of view, so that my body is also in the view. I try to think how a composition could be made of that.
Then I love setting the scenes, creating the places where these memories took place and adding the people in and filling the space with objects, some I remember, some symbolic.
Who knows, with this next series my style might develop differently, as I relax into my confidence with painting how I want rather than how I think I should.
Thank you for reading these posts. There’s more to come.
Some of you may have heard (because I’ve been banging on about it) that a film has been made about the stories behind this series of work. It’s finished now and there will be news regarding this tomorrow, so stay tuned.
Hope you are all doing well.
Thanks
Jack
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